April 10, 2009
Previously 100 But Now 75 Pathetic Reasons Why You Don’t Have a Love Life
Some guest post I wrote for some blog whose blogger requested from me. It took me a week to write it, hit my email; then, after an eternity... nothing, not even a damn message as to why it was never posted. Anyway, after decades of being kept in my hard drive, finally it's gonna see the light of day. And yeah, please enjoy my latest (and perhaps the last) post after a thousand years of meditation. :)
Are you an SSB (Single Since Birth) member? Which chapter are you from? Read on and know why you reached forty and managed to survive without committing suicide. I’ve got to hand it to you; you’re one rare piece of relic. I’m just kidding. Please don’t take this seriously. Everything you’re about to read is just pure fun and nothing to be messed up about. So throw away that blade and refrain from slitting your own wrist.
1) You hate everyone including yourself.
2) You don’t know what love is.
3) You’ve been trained to suppress your emotions and act based purely on logic.
4) It’s not about suppressing your emotions; you simply have nothing to begin with.
5) You firmly believe that love is just a mechanism pathetic humans resort to out of fear of being alone.
6) For you, all girls are just money grabbing bitches.
7) Or, you think all men are just after sex.
8) And you think homosexuals are perverts.
9) Money can buy you love; you said but you don’t have that much money.
10) You’re waiting for the right one to come to your life. Unfortunately, that right one hasn’t arrived yet.
11) You’re particularly choosy that you end up despising everyone showing interest to you.
12) You’re sooo EMO, you committed suicide before you could have a love life.
13) God didn’t want you to have a love life. He has a special purpose for you. LOL.
14) You insist on having one even if it’s against God’s will. Are you completely convinced that you can make it? Hello? It’s God. And no matter what you do, YOU JUST CAN’T HAVE ONE.
15) You chose to be single for the rest of your life.
16) You’re born to be single for the rest of your life.
17) You believe all of humanity must die because they defile the purity of nature and your mission is to ensure that no body else makes more human babies including yourself.
18) You haven’t been outside ever since the day you were born because of a rare kind of genetic disease.
19) All the beautiful nurses in the hospital think that you’re handsome and want to give you sponge baths everyday. Unfortunately, you’ve been sleeping ever since that faithful day when you fell from the third floor head first.
20) You’re butt ugly.
21) You smell like a highly toxic dump site.
22) You’re crazy. No, make that mentally retarded.
23) You’re so fat that you can’t get out of your bed.
24) You eat your hair, chew on your toe nails, and scratch your groin and butt area all the time.
25) No body knows why but people either see the word boring or loser “in bold” when they see your face.
26) You’re so ordinary that no body could notice you.
27) You’re trying hard not to be ordinary; but people just can’t dig you because you’re too annoying to be with.
28) You’re a cocky jerk not even gay “matronix” would like to spend a night with (for Filipino context only).
29) Everybody hates you.
30) Everyone thinks you’re a psycho.
31) You’re really a psycho
32) You’re a stalker.
33) You got jailed for eating one of your female acquaintances.
34) You’re a cocky perverted psycho stalker jerk who likes to eat female acquaintances; plus, you’re a hunchback with a bulging left eye and a deformed right hand.
35) You’re the sorriest loser of all the losers in the world that you’re drowning in self-pity.
36) You’re contented with making love to yourself.
37) You’re that Japanese guy with hundreds of sex dolls in his house. He said the dolls were a lot better than real partners.
38) You watch too much porn
39) You consider watching Maria Ozawa moan her way to orgasm and sleeping with Reon Kadena posters a love life.
40) You think Maria Ozawa is your girl friend.
41) Cybersex has clouded your idea of virtual and reality.
42) You plan in marrying a robot wife or husband after 10 years or so.
43) You hate boys/girls for no reason at all.
44) You’re too shy
45) You’re afraid of the opposite sex.
46) You’re afraid of relationships.
47) You’re miserably pathetic at approaching girls.
48) You have an imaginary BF/GF.
49) You have a ghost BF/GF.
50) You’d prefer dreaming of your ideal girl over looking for one.
51) You’re not Single Since Birth because you used to have a love life but now it’s impossible to have one because you can’t move on from your break up 10 years ago.
52) You’re a narcissist.
53) You’re gay but you refuse to believe that you’re one.
54) Whenever you feel the urge, you just grab your pet goat or donkey and then, you know what… It’s like that every time. Sheesh!!!
55) Come to think of it… You do have a love life; with goats, that is.
56) You have no social life, not even internet, where have you been?
57) You’re trapped under a rock for forty years but only managed to escape just recently.
14) Your step mom locks you in your room that even your housemates don’t know you exist.
58) Same as above; only, it’s your step dad.
59) You live in a far away village with a population of 20 men for every old grandma.
60) Aliens abducted you when you were a child, experimented on you, and returned you to earth without gonads and desire for sex.
61) You died when you were twelve, now you’re just a malevolent ghost who frequents your old house thinking that you’re still alive. Go on follow the white light, that’s where you’re supposed to be.
62) Your momma tortured and brainwashed you to avoid girls because they are all sluts. Now that she’s dead what happens to you, Norman?
63) You’re always busy.
64) You’re always tired.
65) You’re a top user of all the social bookmarking sites around. You’re also an A-list make money online blogger. You’re number one in Technorati and Alexa and guess what? You maintain 50 blogs everyday.
66) You find gadgets hot and sexy. :)
67) You call your iPhone “Liza”, your Wii “Cherry”, and your Mac “Apple”.
68) You’re on the brink of discovering a revolutionary invention for 20 years, you’re now 30 something.
69) You’re a priest.
70) You’re a Buddhist monk.
71) You’re a yogi who likes to roll over the roads of India for past time.
72) You’re either Tom Thumb or Thumbelina, seriously.
73) You’re Rapunzel who accidentally ate Snow White’s poisoned apple in your tower. Now your prince charming can’t climb up your window because you’re fast asleep.
74) You’re living in your dreams.
75) I ran out of ideas but there’s really a 75.
Tagged as: love, sex, pathetic, funny![]()
Are you an SSB (Single Since Birth) member? Which chapter are you from? Read on and know why you reached forty and managed to survive without committing suicide. I’ve got to hand it to you; you’re one rare piece of relic. I’m just kidding. Please don’t take this seriously. Everything you’re about to read is just pure fun and nothing to be messed up about. So throw away that blade and refrain from slitting your own wrist.
1) You hate everyone including yourself.
2) You don’t know what love is.
3) You’ve been trained to suppress your emotions and act based purely on logic.
4) It’s not about suppressing your emotions; you simply have nothing to begin with.
5) You firmly believe that love is just a mechanism pathetic humans resort to out of fear of being alone.
6) For you, all girls are just money grabbing bitches.
7) Or, you think all men are just after sex.
8) And you think homosexuals are perverts.
9) Money can buy you love; you said but you don’t have that much money.
10) You’re waiting for the right one to come to your life. Unfortunately, that right one hasn’t arrived yet.
11) You’re particularly choosy that you end up despising everyone showing interest to you.
12) You’re sooo EMO, you committed suicide before you could have a love life.
13) God didn’t want you to have a love life. He has a special purpose for you. LOL.
14) You insist on having one even if it’s against God’s will. Are you completely convinced that you can make it? Hello? It’s God. And no matter what you do, YOU JUST CAN’T HAVE ONE.
15) You chose to be single for the rest of your life.
16) You’re born to be single for the rest of your life.
17) You believe all of humanity must die because they defile the purity of nature and your mission is to ensure that no body else makes more human babies including yourself.
18) You haven’t been outside ever since the day you were born because of a rare kind of genetic disease.
19) All the beautiful nurses in the hospital think that you’re handsome and want to give you sponge baths everyday. Unfortunately, you’ve been sleeping ever since that faithful day when you fell from the third floor head first.
20) You’re butt ugly.
21) You smell like a highly toxic dump site.
22) You’re crazy. No, make that mentally retarded.
23) You’re so fat that you can’t get out of your bed.
24) You eat your hair, chew on your toe nails, and scratch your groin and butt area all the time.
25) No body knows why but people either see the word boring or loser “in bold” when they see your face.
26) You’re so ordinary that no body could notice you.
27) You’re trying hard not to be ordinary; but people just can’t dig you because you’re too annoying to be with.
28) You’re a cocky jerk not even gay “matronix” would like to spend a night with (for Filipino context only).
29) Everybody hates you.
30) Everyone thinks you’re a psycho.
31) You’re really a psycho
32) You’re a stalker.
33) You got jailed for eating one of your female acquaintances.
34) You’re a cocky perverted psycho stalker jerk who likes to eat female acquaintances; plus, you’re a hunchback with a bulging left eye and a deformed right hand.
35) You’re the sorriest loser of all the losers in the world that you’re drowning in self-pity.
36) You’re contented with making love to yourself.
37) You’re that Japanese guy with hundreds of sex dolls in his house. He said the dolls were a lot better than real partners.
38) You watch too much porn
39) You consider watching Maria Ozawa moan her way to orgasm and sleeping with Reon Kadena posters a love life.
40) You think Maria Ozawa is your girl friend.
41) Cybersex has clouded your idea of virtual and reality.
42) You plan in marrying a robot wife or husband after 10 years or so.
43) You hate boys/girls for no reason at all.
44) You’re too shy
45) You’re afraid of the opposite sex.
46) You’re afraid of relationships.
47) You’re miserably pathetic at approaching girls.
48) You have an imaginary BF/GF.
49) You have a ghost BF/GF.
50) You’d prefer dreaming of your ideal girl over looking for one.
51) You’re not Single Since Birth because you used to have a love life but now it’s impossible to have one because you can’t move on from your break up 10 years ago.
52) You’re a narcissist.
53) You’re gay but you refuse to believe that you’re one.
54) Whenever you feel the urge, you just grab your pet goat or donkey and then, you know what… It’s like that every time. Sheesh!!!
55) Come to think of it… You do have a love life; with goats, that is.
56) You have no social life, not even internet, where have you been?
57) You’re trapped under a rock for forty years but only managed to escape just recently.
14) Your step mom locks you in your room that even your housemates don’t know you exist.
58) Same as above; only, it’s your step dad.
59) You live in a far away village with a population of 20 men for every old grandma.
60) Aliens abducted you when you were a child, experimented on you, and returned you to earth without gonads and desire for sex.
61) You died when you were twelve, now you’re just a malevolent ghost who frequents your old house thinking that you’re still alive. Go on follow the white light, that’s where you’re supposed to be.
62) Your momma tortured and brainwashed you to avoid girls because they are all sluts. Now that she’s dead what happens to you, Norman?
63) You’re always busy.
64) You’re always tired.
65) You’re a top user of all the social bookmarking sites around. You’re also an A-list make money online blogger. You’re number one in Technorati and Alexa and guess what? You maintain 50 blogs everyday.
66) You find gadgets hot and sexy. :)
67) You call your iPhone “Liza”, your Wii “Cherry”, and your Mac “Apple”.
68) You’re on the brink of discovering a revolutionary invention for 20 years, you’re now 30 something.
69) You’re a priest.
70) You’re a Buddhist monk.
71) You’re a yogi who likes to roll over the roads of India for past time.
72) You’re either Tom Thumb or Thumbelina, seriously.
73) You’re Rapunzel who accidentally ate Snow White’s poisoned apple in your tower. Now your prince charming can’t climb up your window because you’re fast asleep.
74) You’re living in your dreams.
75) I ran out of ideas but there’s really a 75.
Tagged as: love, sex, pathetic, funny
Filed under Aphrodisiacs by nepspeed82
